warcraftfanonfandomcom-20200215-history
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Hot. Hate Me Because YOU'RE Hot.
Dawn was clear, bright, and prone to proc snowblind. Ever as it was in the high valleys of Alterac, and as it likely would ever be, barring the production of the intensely theoretical global climo-dynamic inverse thermal spatial recoupler, but we digress. As ever, two orcs stood at the entrance of Frostwolf Villiage, tall and proud, mighty warriors of the Horde. Er, that is, one stood tall and proud, the other stood in a protective, knock-kneed crouch, both hands clasping his tabard tightly over his loins. The former rolled his eyes, "Why you do that? You not upholding dignity of clan!" The other whimepred, "Is cold! Snow today deeper than squeaky footballs is tall! Loincloth does not protect family succ-... succ-... Twing-Twang thingy! This was met with a sigh, "It orcs like you that... wait. What that noise?" There had indeed been the muffled sounds of a shrubbery being rustled beneath the snows, and then, some distance away, a pair of bright pink pigtails thrust upward, making two small holes through the crust and entering the chilly air. They twitched once, twice, three times, before sinking once again out of view. The two orcs turned to each other in silence, each willing the other to be the first to admit they had seen that, so as to save face if it had been a figment of chilled blood taking too much time to come back from the feets. Eventually, knock-knee raised his hands to rub vigorously at his eyes, muttering under his breath, "Zug zug." His companion backhanded him across the face. "Why you talk like that on duty?" "Wha? Bu-" "It like i say, you give orcs bad name! We is important orcs! We is dip-... dip-... diplomagically engaged, we's bringing da frostwolf into da horde! An you go makin us look like dumdums when you talks like some freshly promoted peon from da Barrens!" "But... but bro... we IS freshly promoted peons from da Barrens..." "Dat doan' matter! We is speshully picked by multiplicampitudinal proxy by General Drek'Thar his very own self to guard dis villiage! We has Speshul Qualities! We was picked over t'ousans of otha orcs for dis job because we is exp-... exp-.... some-tin to do wid exp! An you go lettin da side down! Do you wanna go home? Go back to da farm and tell pa dat he work him bum off for all dem year so you can get all big an strong and not cut it?" Knock-knee turned away, unable to face his brother's fury, "Dat... no.. I.. I will be strong! I will fight for da horde! I will crush puny Alliance wid der squeaky footballs and pinkies and pointy-hed trehuggers! oh, and da beardies, too." "Bah." "Whu? Why you gotta be like dat bro... We is all jus doin our best... an.. an da General wouldn'a picked me for dis job if he didn't t'ink my best was good enough! An I gonna prove him right!" He spun around to confront his brother with his righteous anger. More insistently this time, "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" "Oh, Zug zug." category:Stories Category:Articles by kite.san